Sasstooth – Sarcastic Dachshund Wall Calendar
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Twelve Months Of Sausage Dog Chaos
Some calendars just tell you the date.
This one has opinions.
Flip to January and the dachshund is already complaining about the weather.
February? He's judging your breakfast.
Every month pairs a new scene with a line straight from the dog's own mouth — dry, a little rude, and exactly what she'd say if she could talk.
Hang it by the fridge and you'll catch yourself reading it out loud.
Twelve scenes, twelve remarks — no month repeats a joke
✓ Twelve Months, Zero Repeats
No repeats, no filler. Twelve original scenes, each paired with a caption that actually lands.
✓ The dog talks back
Every line is written like the dachshund said it herself — sarcastic, dry, and a little too honest.
✓ Still a real calendar
Open-grid layout with room to jot down plans, so the humor never gets in the way of function.
✓ Looks like it belongs there
Straight out of the envelope and onto the wall — no assembly, no extra parts.
✓ Built for a full year on your wall
Sturdy printed pages that hold up month after month without curling or fading.
What you get today
- Sasstooth 12-month wall calendar
- A new illustrated scene and sarcastic caption for every month
- Open-grid layout with room to note the week
- Ready to hang out of the envelope — no assembly
- Free tracked shipping
- 30-day money-back guarantee
Calendars are printed once per year. When the run is gone, it's gone until next season.
Bring Sasstooth to your wall today
Try Sasstooth at home for 30 days. If it doesn't look right on your wall or wear the way you expected, return it for a full refund.
Frequently asked questions
Is the humor actually funny, or is it corny?
Each month pairs a scene with a caption written from the dog's point of view, so you can see the tone for yourself before it ever reaches your wall.
Does it come pre-punched for hanging?
Yes, it's ready to hang straight out of the envelope with no assembly needed.
Is there space to write in appointments or notes?
Yes, the open-grid layout leaves room to jot down plans for each day.
How long does shipping take?
All orders ship free with tracking so you can follow your calendar's progress to your door.
Most of our pieces fit true to size. Use the size assistant above for a personal recommendation in seconds — it considers your height, weight, build and preferred fit for this exact style.
Between two sizes? For a relaxed look choose the larger size; for a closer fit the smaller one. Still unsure? Email info@aldervalestudio.com and our team will help personally.
The exact composition of this piece is listed in the product description above. To keep natural fibers beautiful:
- Wash wool, cashmere and knitwear by hand or on a gentle cycle at 30°C / 86°F, lay flat to dry.
- Refresh coats and suede by airing them out; use a soft brush for suede.
- Store knitwear folded, never on a hanger, to keep its shape.
Delivery. Orders are processed within 2–4 business days and delivered within 3–4 business days after dispatch. You'll receive a tracking link by email as soon as your order ships.
Returns. If something isn't right, contact us within 90 days and we'll email you a return label to print. Return shipping is at the customer's cost unless the item is faulty or we made a mistake — then it's on us. Refunds are issued to your original card within 5–10 business days after we receive your return.
